Qualcomm is now breaking down exactly how fast each of its new Snapdragon X Elite and Pulse ARM processors is… but with a chip list and product number decoder that's virtually impossible to read.

Let's face it: processor naming schemes have gotten ridiculously complicated. AMD launched it with a true decoder ring.and name Still makes no sense. But Intel started this nonsense more than five years ago, when Trying to figure out what the 10th generation core chip names mean. It needs its own story.

Now it's Qualcomm's turn. And boy, is it a doozy. (Qualcomm has also released a list of the four Snapdragon X Elite and Plus processors, complete with names and clock speeds — something it hasn't done before. Unfortunately, before listing them, let us know What do the names and numbers mean? X Æ A-12.)

How to Talk to Your Teens About the Snapdragon X Series

Let's face it: the Snapdragon X1E-78-100 would never be mentioned in polite society. It won't show up in a sonnet, or in the card you send your spouse on your birthday. If that evening is ever mentioned, there will be outrage, one of you chuckling with a half-finished bottle of Chardonnay. These are the “names” that virtually demand to be opened inside a PDF, or on a mimeographed requisition form that requires seven signatures, some in triplicate. Somewhere a military supply sergeant's eyes are shining.

Note that Qualcomm has two brands (X Elite and Plus) and Four Total chips. This naming scheme has room for…how many, exactly? The Bible is less complicated than that.

Qualcomm

Qualcomm

Qualcomm

I might give it a pass if Qualcomm's naming scheme ends up on the SKU now. But there are three whole digits. safe For something in the future. (They're all just “100” for now.) A mystery!

So: Snapdragon X1 E (Elite) or P (Plus), plus the standard “bigger is better” naming scheme. Qualcomm could have just gone with the Snapdragon X Elite 80, say, or the X1E-80. Instead, we have something that looks like a Social Security number.

And are the dashes silent? Or should we really say “SnapdragonXOneE”.DashEighty fourDashA hundred on the phone? Come on, Qualcomm. There is a whole generation of old people who are out of breath and will succumb.

Snapdragon X Elite and Plus: Speeds and Fades

Qualcomm Originally launched the Snapdragon X Elite.. On Wednesday, it added the Snapdragon X Plus, a slightly cut-down version of the Elite with a lower 3.4GHz clock speed and no Turbo Boost. Fortunately, the Snapdragon X Plus has only one name to worry about: the X1P-64-100.

What we didn't know before is that the Snapdragon X Elite now has not one, but three chips within the family: X1E-84-100, X1E-80-100, and X1E-78-100.

Qualcomm

Qualcomm

Qualcomm

What is the difference from each other? Differences in turbo clock speed as well as base clock. While the competitors differ in both base clock as well as turbo clock speeds, both the X1E-80-100 and X1E-78-100 share a 3.4GHz clock speed.

We don't know how many changes Qualcomm will introduce to the current generation, or what its plans are for the next-generation Qualcomm X2E (see, we're playing along!). How many more names of these crazy chips can we see? With Qualcomm's future-proof naming scheme, we could be in for a bumpy ride.